Europe has spent centuries searching for ways to unite its quarrelsome(好争吵的) peoples. Christianity had a go, as did various emperors, to little avail(收效甚微). Esperanto(世界语) never quite caught on. Football and the Eurovision Song Contest bring the place together for a few nights each year. Perhaps Europe’s common culture is found not in stadiums or concert halls, but oozing from its government offices: battling red tape(繁文缛节) is the thread that binds the continent together. While Europeans disagree on politics, cuisine and religion, all are united in living under the administrator’s ink-stained thumb(在行政官员的掌控下). From Dublin to Athens there is a reassuring familiarity to being informed that the correct form is unavailable, that another office must be consulted (preferably by fax), then that the deadline expired yesterday.(从都柏林到雅典，有一种令人安心的熟悉感：被告知正确的表格没有，必须咨询另一个办公室（最好通过传真），然后被告知截止日期昨天已过。) The European Union in Brussels, the spiritual home of the paperwork-industrial complex, is a fitting culmination of attempts to forge ever-closer union. Where mere emperors failed, the rubber-stamping Eurocrat(欧盟官僚) has triumphed.
几个世纪以来，欧洲一直在寻找团结其好斗民众的方法。基督教尝试过，历代皇帝也尝试过，但都收效甚微。世界语从未真正流行起来。足球和欧洲歌唱大赛每年能让这片大陆的人们聚在一起几个晚上。也许欧洲的共同文化不在体育场或音乐厅里，而是从政府办公室里渗透出来：与繁文缛节作斗争是连接这片大陆的纽带。尽管欧洲人在政治、烹饪和宗教上存在分歧，但他们都团结在行政官员沾满墨迹的拇指之下。从都柏林到雅典，有一种令人安心的熟悉感：被告知正确的表格没有，必须咨询另一个办公室（最好通过传真），然后被告知截止日期昨天已过。布鲁塞尔的欧盟是文书工业综合体的精神家园，是建立更紧密联盟尝试的恰当顶峰。在单纯的皇帝们失败的地方，橡皮图章的欧洲官僚取得了胜利。
All polities(政体) spawn(产生) paperwork. (Your columnist, a former correspondent in India, can attest to the subcontinent’s own procedural prowess(程序能力).) Yet Europeans have elevated petty officialdom(官僚阶层) from a necessity to a fine art. The creation of rules, then their punctilious(一丝不苟的) enforcement, is the je ne sais quoi(难以言喻的特质) that helps give Europe its particular charm. Multiple tiers of government invent rules often grumpily(不情愿地) enacted by another level. If there is such a thing as a European way of life, it involves filling out forms in triplicate(一式三份).
所有政体都会产生文书工作。（本专栏作家曾任驻印度记者，可以证明次大陆自身的程序能力。）然而，欧洲人已将琐碎的官僚作风从一种必要提升为一门艺术。制定规则，然后一丝不苟地执行，正是赋予欧洲独特魅力的难以言喻之处。多级政府制定规则，却往往由另一级政府不情愿地执行。如果说存在一种欧洲生活方式，那一定包括一式三份地填写表格。
Every European has a horror story(恐怖经历) to recount(讲述). Charlemagne is no exception. Tax authorities in Belgium wrote recently to inform him that he was not, in fact, the father of his three children. (Come and pick them up at your convenience, was the response.) Some years ago it was French tinpot functionaries who refused to believe that the Stanley Victor Gregory Pignal identified on your columnist’s passport was the same person as the Stanley Victor Grégory (note the accent) Pignal named on his children’s birth certificates.(几年前，是法国那些小官僚拒绝相信专栏作家护照上的斯坦利·维克多·格雷戈里·皮纳尔与孩子出生证明上的斯坦利·维克多·格雷戈里（注意重音）·皮纳尔是同一个人。) After months of haggling(讨价还价) it turned out to be easier to redo an entire set of identity documents—expunging(删除) the stray accent—than to try to reason with the apostles of clerical pedantry(文书迂腐的使徒).
每个欧洲人都有恐怖故事可讲。查理曼也不例外。比利时的税务当局最近写信通知他，他实际上不是他三个孩子的父亲。（回复是：方便的时候来把他们接走。）几年前，是法国那些小官僚拒绝相信专栏作家护照上的斯坦利·维克多·格雷戈里·皮纳尔与孩子出生证明上的斯坦利·维克多·格雷戈里（注意重音）·皮纳尔是同一个人。经过几个月的讨价还价，结果发现重新办理整套身份证件——去掉多余的重音——比试图与文书迂腐的使徒们讲理更容易。
The good, the bad and the notary
好的、坏的和公证人