I’ve killed every garden I’ve neglected(被忽视的), which is all of them: bring me a struggling houseplant and watch it die. But bring me a struggling marriage and I will sometimes encourage it back to life(恢复生机). Other times, when the conditions are right, by which I mean when something is wrong, I will kill it.(另一些时候，当条件合适——我指的是当某些地方出了问题时——我会扼杀它。) Intentionally(故意地). Or, in more professional language, I will advise it to end. Not every plant gets to flower. Not every marriage should be saved.
我毁掉了每一个被我忽视的花园，而它们无一幸免：给我一盆奄奄一息的室内植物，你就能看着它死去。但若给我一段挣扎中的婚姻，我有时会鼓励它重获生机。而另一些时候，当条件合适——我指的是当某些地方出了问题时——我会扼杀它。有意为之。或者，用更专业的话说，我会建议它结束。并非每株植物都能开花。并非每段婚姻都该被挽救。
I have come to realise(逐渐意识到) that care and attention, the fundamentals(根本要素) that keep both plants and relationships alive, are absent(缺席的，缺乏的) from many marriages that survive anyway. I call them cactus(仙人掌) marriages: alive, but I couldn’t tell you how.
我逐渐意识到，关爱与关注，这些维持植物和关系存续的根本，在许多勉强维持的婚姻中却付之阙如。我称它们为“仙人掌婚姻”：活着，但我无法告诉你它们是怎么活下来的。
Jess* and Pete* came to see me: they had raised their kids and always turned up(出现，露面) for their jobs – at least with work someone writes down what is required of you. Neglect, it turns out, takes longer to kill a marriage than it does a garden.(事实证明，忽视杀死一段婚姻所需的时间比杀死一座花园更长。) When couples remember how to be loving, the cactus thrives(茁壮成长), and sometimes it even flowers, which surprises everyone, including me.
杰丝*和皮特*来找我：他们养大了孩子，也从未耽误过工作——至少在工作中，有人会写下对你的要求。事实证明，忽视杀死一段婚姻所需的时间比杀死一座花园更长。当夫妻记起如何去爱时，仙人掌便会茁壮成长，有时甚至会开花，这让所有人，包括我，都感到惊讶。