I’m out of gas(没油了；精疲力竭). Not metaphorically(比喻地；隐喻地). Literally, my car has the barest minimum amount of fuel in it. This is not because I like to live dangerously(冒险生活；铤而走险), a la(按照……的方式；仿照) the great literary hero Austin Powers(电影《王牌大贱谍》主角，以夸张冒险著称), but because gas is more expensive than ever. I have nowhere to be today, so I’m allowing my car to sit idle(闲置的；空转的), empty and alone, lest my bank account disappear into the Phantom Zone(DC 漫画中的“幻影地带”，一个异次元监狱) of negative balance. If things get sticky(变得棘手；变得麻烦), I can take public transit or, God forbid(上帝保佑（别发生）；但愿不会), ride a bike.
我的车没油了。不是比喻。是真的，油箱里只剩最后一丝油。这不是因为我喜欢像文学英雄奥斯汀·鲍尔斯那样“危险地生活”，而是因为油价从未如此昂贵。今天我没地方要去，所以就让车闲置着，空着，孤零零地待着，免得我的银行账户消失到负余额的“幻影地带”去。如果情况变得棘手，我可以坐公交，或者——上帝保佑——骑自行车。
Except I can’t ride a bike, thanks to(由于；多亏) my parents, who were too busy doing more important tasks than teaching me, like arguing or falling asleep. But for many Americans, riding a bike is a perfectly normal thing to do. Am I humiliated that one of the many basic skills for life that I don’t know is considered so simple that it became a common idiom for something that’s easy?(我是否感到羞辱——因为我不掌握的众多基本生活技能之一，竟被认为简单到成了“容易”的常用习语？) Yes, of course. I don’t live dangerously, I live humiliatingly. Humiliation is my middle name(中间名；某人的显著特征). Dave Humiliation Schilling. Go on, point and laugh at the photo of me in this article. Get it out of your system so we can move along.
只不过我不会骑自行车，这得怪我父母，他们当时忙着做比教我更重要的事，比如吵架或睡觉。但对许多美国人来说，骑自行车是再正常不过的事。我是否感到羞辱——因为我不掌握的众多基本生活技能之一，竟被认为简单到成了“容易”的常用习语？是的，当然。我不是危险地生活，我是羞辱地生活。羞辱是我的中间名。戴夫·羞辱·席林。来吧，对着这篇文章里我的照片指指点点、笑一笑。笑够了，我们好继续往下说。
Thanks.
谢谢。