I have been dwelling on(反复思考) what it means to live well. Not because I have mastered it, but because I have become very comically(滑稽地) bad at it. I have spent years rushing through my life(匆匆度过人生), panicked and convinced I was running out of time. I worried constantly about work – getting it, keeping it, doing it, caring about it too much, hating it and losing it. I obsessed over(痴迷于) being more productive. I fretted about(为……发愁) money, mostly about not having any left after travelling too much. I poured so much energy into dating that it’s kind of impressive I haven’t had a relationship for the last six years.(我在约会中投入了太多精力，以至于过去六年都没谈过恋爱，这倒有点令人印象深刻。)
我一直在思考，好好生活到底意味着什么。不是因为我已精通此道，而是因为我在这方面糟糕得近乎滑稽。多年来，我匆匆度过人生，惊慌失措，深信自己时间不多了。我不断为工作担忧——得到它、保住它、做它、太在意它、讨厌它、失去它。我痴迷于提高效率。我为钱发愁，主要是担心旅行太多之后分文不剩。我在约会中投入了太多精力，以至于过去六年都没谈过一段恋爱，这倒有点令人印象深刻。
But most of all I became fixated on(执迷于) my fertility and how it dwindled(逐渐减少) in my early 30s, leaving me to make choices most women don’t have to until later. I tried to save my eggs(冻卵) and couldn’t. My lack of a partner in a conservative Catholic Lebanese family(保守的天主教黎巴嫩家庭) became a cudgel(棍棒；敲打).
但最重要的是，我开始执迷于自己的生育能力，以及它在三十岁出头如何衰退，迫使我做出大多数女性要到更晚才需面对的选择。我尝试冻卵，却没能成功。在一个保守的天主教黎巴嫩家庭里，没有伴侣成了别人敲打我的棍棒。
Pleasure was something bypassed(被绕过) on the way to(在通往……的路上) a goal of being chosen and accepted. In other words(换句话说), joy was a byproduct(副产品).
在追求被选中、被接纳这一目标的路上，愉悦是被绕开的东西。换句话说，快乐只是副产品。