During lockdown(疫情封锁), Charlotte and her ex-partner would spend evenings cooped up(被关在狭小空间里) in their flat, listening to music, watching YouTube videos and chatting until the small hours(凌晨时分). Those nights would be fuelled(被助长、被刺激) by alcohol and lines of cocaine.
封锁期间，夏洛特和前任常常整晚窝在公寓里，听音乐、刷YouTube视频、聊天到凌晨。那些夜晚全靠酒精和一行行可卡因撑着。
“I wanted to be loved, and when he told me he loved me like nobody ever would and nobody ever will, I drank the Kool-Aid(盲目全盘接受),” Charlotte says. “I wanted to believe that. And there’s a point when you’re with somebody and you’re drinking, you’re doing coke, where you think you have this bond, you think it’s just you two in the world.(而且当你和某人在一起喝酒吸毒到某个阶段，你会以为你们之间有纽带，以为世上只剩你们俩。)”
“我渴望被爱，所以当他说他爱我，爱得前无古人、后无来者时，我全盘接受了，”夏洛特说。“我愿意相信。而且当你和一个人在一起，喝着酒、吸着可卡因，到了某个节点，你会以为你们之间有某种纽带，以为世上只剩你们两个人。”
But that emotional high would be fleeting(短暂的、转瞬即逝的). “Without a doubt, without any exception(无一例外), it would never end peacefully. My ex-partner would get so ridiculously paranoid(偏执的、多疑的) once he was using cocaine. It was just crazy,” she says. Charlotte’s partner would accuse her of taking more than him, messaging men and hiding things from him. When she denied it, he would subject her to brutal physical assaults.
但那种情绪上的亢奋转瞬即逝。“毫无疑问，无一例外，从来没有和平收场过。我前任一吸可卡因，就会变得偏执得离谱。简直疯了，”她说。夏洛特的伴侣会指责她吸得比他多、给别的男人发信息、对他藏东西。她一旦否认，他就会对她施以残暴的殴打。