Ted Scheinman can date the origin of his depression with laser accuracy(极其精确地). It was the day he went to the fair, aged three, and returned to his home in upstate New York clutching(紧紧抓着) a Batman toy that he’d won. In the bathroom, he swooped(俯冲) his new doll over the sink. Scheinman had a vivid imagination; in a few years, he would want to become a playwright. To add sound effects and drama, he turned on the tap. There was a whoosh – and the unthinkable happened. Water landed on Batman’s pristine boot in a darkening, enlarging spot that for young Scheinman triggered several rapid thoughts, the last of them being: “I am going to die.”(水落在蝙蝠侠崭新的靴子上，形成一个不断变深扩大的污点，这在年幼的沙因曼心中引发了一连串飞快的念头，最后一个念头是：“我要死了。”)
泰德·沙因曼能极其精确地定位自己抑郁症的起点。那是他三岁时去集市玩的一天，他回到纽约州北部的家中，手里紧紧攥着赢来的蝙蝠侠玩具。在浴室里，他让新玩偶在水池上方俯冲。沙因曼想象力丰富；再过几年，他会想成为剧作家。为了增加音效和戏剧性，他打开了水龙头。哗啦一声——然后不可想象的事发生了。水落在蝙蝠侠一尘不染的靴子上，留下一个不断变深、扩大的污点，这在年幼的沙因曼心中引发了一连串飞快的念头，最后一个念头是：“我要死了。”
Now 41, Scheinman, a senior editor at Smithsonian magazine, has written a memoir(回忆录) of his “life as a depressive”. Jolt: My Electric Journey Out of Darkness charts his path from toddlerhood to the point in 2020, at the age of 35, when he referred himself for(主动申请接受) electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). By then, he was in “a much darker place” than he had ever been – and regarded himself as “the lowest piece of dirt on the Earth(地球上最卑微的尘土)”. The treatment was “not so much a last resort … as my only hope”, he says.
现年41岁的沙因曼是《史密森尼》杂志的高级编辑，他写了一部回忆录，记录自己“作为抑郁症患者的一生”。《Jolt：我的电击走出黑暗之旅》追溯了他从蹒跚学步到2020年（35岁时）主动申请接受电休克疗法（ECT）的历程。那时，他处于“比以往任何时候都黑暗得多的地方”，并认为自己“是地球上最卑微的一粒尘土”。他说，这种治疗“与其说是最后的手段……不如说是我唯一的希望”。
Jolt is really “a view from the other side of the tunnel”; a travelogue(游记) – which somehow manages to be amusing – of the journey towards an experience that for many remains taboo(禁忌). During ECT, an electric current passes through the brain, triggering a brief seizure(癫痫发作). In those seconds, affected neurons fire simultaneously and repeatedly, triggering the release of neurohormones and neurotransmitters(神经递质) (such as dopamine). Despite the treatment being steeped in(充满，沉浸于) horror – as in artistic depictions such as One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest(《飞越疯人院》) and The Bell Jar – Scheinman’s main worry was that “it wouldn’t do shit for me(对我屁用没有)”.
《Jolt》实际上是“从隧道另一端看到的风景”；是一本关于走向一种对许多人仍属禁忌的体验的游记——而且不知怎的还挺有趣。在ECT过程中，电流通过大脑，引发短暂的癫痫发作。在那几秒钟里，受影响的神经元同时反复放电，触发神经激素和神经递质（如多巴胺）的释放。尽管这种治疗充满恐怖色彩——正如《飞越疯人院》和《钟形罩》等艺术描绘所示——沙因曼的主要担忧却是“它对我屁用没有”。